remembering grand dad Nehemiah..

God's ways are mysterious! I remember that one dialogue from from the movie "Forest Gump" . In child hood Forest has croocked legs . He could not walk properly. He looked like a nerd to other kids with his oily, combed hair, spectacles& innocent looks. In his school, he was always the easy target for bullies. But before seeing of his son to the school bus, Mrs Gump always used to tell his son, "never let anyone tell you you are not normal!", "never let them tell you that you are stupid!" .
One reason I liked that movie so much was, there are people like that in my life too, that always told me I'm good for nothing. That I shouldn't be aiming big. But just like Mrs Gump kept on encouraging her son, God kept on telling me "u can". He kept on telling me "you are not ordinary. You are special!". At that time I didn't get acquainted with Him much. So I never really bothered to listen to what He was trying to tell me in the church or through Bible . I never paid attention. So He had to use some force.& Made me listen what He wants to say. This is how it happened.

When I failed my intermediate& stayed at home( I was one of the class toppers till my 10th standard, JFYI), all I used to do was to play cricket with neighbourhood kids in our front yard throughout the day. Like all the teenagers, I had many distractions. I used to go to church, never listened the sermon. Sitting there I used to doodle in my note book lost in my own world. Many preachers used to come to my place, who used to prophecy great future for me. I used to enjoy the prophetic word but when they used to try to make me pray...I somehow used to escape.

After few days, there is this old man who started coming to our tenants house. His name was Nehemiah. We used to call him Nehemiah tatayya( grand dad). He's a retired teacher& now very old. He couldn't see, he couldn't read. He used to come from quite some distance walking. Some of his relatives used to drop him in our tenant's place around 10 ó clock & pick him by 1. What does he used to do in these three hours? Listen to Bible. He would find one of the kids& made him read Psalms. From Psalms 1 to psalms 50 or Psalms 50 to psalms 119. . It can just go on. Initially all I was loosing was just one kid from my team. We still used to manage to play. But very soon all kids were scared of him& they used to run away just by the sight of him. So there's nobody to do the reading. & Because my mom had great respect for him& because she doesn't have any for my feelings, she pushed me to do the reading. So...here I was, sitting in front of him reluctantly. Trying to show all my displeasure through the way I sit, through the way I flip the pages, through the tone in which I read( I used to show it in my expressions also, but has he couldn't see, it was of no use) ...I used to give all the kind of hints, just make him understand I'm not happy. But he? He's lost in listening to the psalms. His face, filled with some inexpressible joy! as if he's listening to a great music or great poetry sitting on the banks of a beautiful lake filled with lotuses on a tranquil evening!(?). It's like as if he's saying to himself, "this is life!". It used to be such a painful never ending session for me.. especially when it's Psalms 119. I was like.AAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHH.......in myself. Finally, when somebody used to come to take him back, I used to say "thank god!"". (No, I'm not saying that's how I got close to God!) .

It went on for days, weeks & months. Though it was lot of pain initially, I got used to it later. & some of the verses I could even memorise. & gradually I was not that rude to that old man, but he never cared anyway.

Time was rolling& got even deeper into the pit of failures. Everyone is unhappy with me now. Everyone in my family want a miracle to happen & me to be a success in my studies overnight! They were under pressure in the social circle because I am a failure& they started pressurising me. Nobody wanted to know my problem. nobody wanted to know what I was going through. They could use harsh words, make me feel lonely to make me realize my rsponsibility. But that only made my situation worse. All my friends disowned me & moved on. Relatives, loved ones, everyone...started looking at me as if I've committed some kind of crime. & I got broken. My confidence was shattered. I looked lost. Behind the closed doors of my room, I used to cry, sob, weep& curse myself. My failures looked endless& My life....looked hopeless. But in such a terrible situation, in my lonliness, at the verge of breaking up, suddenly some words used to pop into my mind. something like "For You have delivered my soul from death,
My eyes from tears,
And my feet from falling.".
or something like They looked to Him and were radiant And their faces were not ashamed.
& All of a sudden I used to find a new hope in those verses. I used to tell myself "don't give up, don't give up. "& take my text book & start struggling with my maths again. Slowly& gradually I started understanding His language. Little by little, I started hiding myself in His bossom. & my God, gathered me under His wings& as sis. Ivangeline Duke puts it, took me on a flight.

I understood how God speaks. A right verse from Bible in the exact time when I need it. But it was Nehemiah tatayya who trained me to memorise them. & Even today, when suddenly an apt verse pops up in my mind when I really need Him to speak, I remember Nehemiah tatayya, the old man who couldn't see, but who showed me the "WAY"& thank him. He is no more now, but he is always in my memories.

p s: I'm with you.

O Lord, how manifold are your works!

psalms 104: 24

యెహోవా, నీ కార్యములు ఎన్నెన్ని విధములుగానున్నవి!

కీర్తనలు 104:24

On 6th of July, 2010 God blessed me with a baby girl. I have to confess that I never really cared when some of my friends used to call me saying "I'm blessed with a son/ daughter". In fact, I never thought it's a big deal. Till I saw what my wife went through& how God is involved throughout her pregnancy & delivery.

I know my God from past 15 years. isn't that quite some time?In these 15 years, I knew Him as a friend who stood by me when every one else left me. A comforter who wiped my tears& gave me Hope. I knew Him as a teacher who taught me things that I never imagined I would be able to do. But still, even today,after all these years, He still surprises me with His love which is so personal. So real! In situations which look so out side the book( the Bible), in which God doesn't seem to be having any experience(?), He shows forth Himself& says I AM! Might be time & again He looks at me from heaven& says "O ye of little faith!"

What can I say about my God? His love makes me smile! His love makes tears fill my eyes!

Ruth found she was pregnant sometime in October 2009. She was idle in her organization for almost 9 months or more by that time. The I.T industry was going through tough time. The recession hit many peoples lives. Many lost jobs. If you are "on bench", you are in trouble. There was lot of stress she was going through as all she got to do was, go to the office, sit there till evening, watch others being busy with work& feel rejected. She was trying with all her friend& managers for projects. But the situation was hopeless. We were praying, real hard. I used to ask "God what's happening? Are you listening?". Then I think in the month of August, the company gave her an offer for six months. come to office twice a week, get half your salary. & after that six months, if you still fail to get a project, you are out. That was better, but that also meant the time is ticking. But the good thing about that offer was, we had more time to spend with each other. Otherwise in that one year of our wedding, we were always rushing. We never had quality time together. Once again I failed to comprehend God's plan. In these 10 months we could spend much time with each other. In October Ruth realised she was pregnant & in November she got a project!

Pregnancy was a great joy for Ruth initially. But by the time it was 7th month, it was very demanding! There were lot of mood swings& we used to quarrel over simple things. It was tough for me to understand what she was going through as even I was going through a rough patch in my profession . In the initial days of her pregnancy I used to drop her on my bike as both of us are new to drive our car. Then she started driving to her office in the car& by sixth month, I used to drop her in her office & go to my boutique in the car. We both learnt to drive after buying a brand new car& have absolutely no experience of driving till then. I'm saying this just to testify how God protected both of us & how His timing is just perfect!

In the seventh month, she moved to her hometown to be with her parents. I thought she'll enjoy the leisure& feast on great food. But she found the atmosphere completely different. She started feeling lonely there& the summer 2010 was terrible. It was sultry through out the day& she couldn't stand some of the dance reality shows on T.V that were watched in her house in the night. She used to call me & she used to sound terrible. I used to visit her as frequently as possible. & All we could do was to PRAY. As the ninth month got completed there were new problems. The date given by the doctors was 28th June. But there were no signs of pains. We went to the doctor, she said the baby's head didn't even get into it's position for delivery. Then we waited till 1st July, there were no pains. Ruth started getting desperate. Every evening she used to walk vigorously to initiate the pains but there was no sign. Some of her friends started advising her to go for a Cesarean as it's less painful(?)& as anyhow there's no sign of pains. & some started saying, you must have made a mistake in counting the days. Ruth was getting restless by all this& she was tired. When we went to the doctor on 3rd July, she asked her to come after two days & get admitted . Which means by normal or Cesarean, the baby would be out by 5th. All these days my prayer was "God, give her a normal delivery. I don't want a blade to be used on her body. But God, don't let the pains be so painful. Please give her a easy delivery." One night after I finished praying for Ruth such a prayer, she started arguing with me saying, "why are you praying for a normal delivery?" I said "coz, that's how God wants it to be in Bible. isn't it? She started saying" no, you pray, God let it be according to your will. but don't pray "give her a normal delivery". you don't understand how painful it's going to be"!. I said "OK. as you wish." On 5th morning we went to see the doctor. Ruth went in & the first thing she said to the doctor was, "doctor, do a Cesarean& get the baby out. I can't wait anymore." & the Doctor checked her & said "don't worry. 'It's going to be a normal delivery" & got Ruth admitted .

She sat on the bed. slowly she started feeling minor pains. By the evening the intensity of the pains increased& so is the frequency. I sat beside her& started reading some of my favourite verses from "song of songs" from Bible. The pains increased but they weren't unbearable. We both were alone as her parents went home to get food& other necessary things. we both kept praying.

I don't remember when was the last time God listened to my prayer& did a miracle. or I must have lost my sense of wonder to recognise His miracles. Last one year has been such a stress in work, such a pressure together as a family we went through. so many times I asked for a miracle, something astounding, like what He did for His people in wilderness. But i did not see any. Sometimes I used to tell myself, "don't pressurise yourself& God for a miracle. He loves you. believe that & move on." But now, I need a miracle. Nothing else would do. We prayed as if He's standing in front of us. We prayed as that's the only thing we could do. It was 10 in the night. & I can't stay there with her in the night. Ruth's mom came to stay with her& I came back home. When I called her around 11:30, Ruth spoke & said she's alright though the pains have increased. I prayed again & slept. Around 5 in the morning, there was a call from Ruth's mom to start up immediately to the hospital as Ruth got shifted to he labour room. We reached hospital in 20 minutes. On my way to the hospital i was telling myself that I would be beside Ruth as she goes through the pains. I remember my sister telling me the other day that if the pains are minor, it can take even two days. Me& Ruth's dad reached the hospital. As he was parking his vehicle, I went into the hospital. The hospital was empty& as I was walking towards the labour room, I heard the cry of a baby. A thought came into my mind, Is she mine? But then I thought it can't be so soon. I saw Ruth's mom standing outside the room& I thought I heard Ruth's voice saying ""show her to Josh!". I asked "aunty?" She looked lost& suddenly said "don't go in!". I thought it's not mine& started walking back. Ruth's dad came almost running & aunty said "it's baby girl!".He came to me & started shaking my hands saying "congrats!" But I was in a shock. They got the baby out to clean. I stood outside the room & asked Ruth, "chinnee are you alright?" she said "yes"". I saw the baby. I couldn't decide at that time whether she was beautiful or not. Whether she resembled me or her, whether she's dusky or fair. I was in no mood to judge. All I knew at that time was that- in front of me is a miracle! "Life" breathed by none other than God the creator Himself. A handiwork of the master crafts man. What can I say? I was spellbound. The Almighty God, compelled by love, listened to the prayers of a sinner like me & answered with a miracle! A normal delivery, comparatively an easy delivery. What else can I ask for? Isn't His timing the perfect& His ways...the most beautiful& incomprehensible?

sitting there in the lobby quietly, I remembered a verse from Bible.

7 “For what great nation is there that has God so near to it, as the LORD our God is to us, for whatever reason we may call upon Him?. Deuteronomy 4:7

...మనము ఆయనకు మొర్ర పెట్టునెప్పుడెల్ల మన దేవుడైన యెహోవా మనకు సమీపముగానున్నట్టు మరి ఏ గొప్ప జనమునకు ఏ దేవుడు సమీపముగా ఉన్నాడు? . ద్వితీయోపదేశకాండము 4:7