God of second chances!

And the Lord turned & looked at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how He had said to him, "before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times." Peter went out & wept bitterly. luke 22:61


what happens when you fail somebody who really loves you & trusts you? when you can't live up to the standards or expectations of your beloved wife? your boss? your parents? first they feel terrible coz they trusted you. then YOU feel miserable from within coz you love them too & failing them is the last thing you want to do. but being human, we do fail them sometimes. we know how it feels. standing infront of them, being not able to look into their eyes, hoping that the earth would devide & swallow you so that you need not explain how miserable you are feeling . how broken & repentant you are. But forgiveness is not easy. sometimes you may never get it. it may end our relationship the way it happened with golfer Tiger woods. This is it!


when I think what Peter must've gone through after he denied that he ever knew Jesus for three times. & when the rooster crowed. the Bible records that he wept bitterly. He was the one who was boasting that he would never leave Jesus, come what may, even to death. when he was seeing Jesus being mocked, beaten, spat on, slapped, stripped, His back being ripped & finally when His lord was being nailed to the cross shedding even the last drop of His blood....what pain Peter would have gone through! how terrible!! how broken!!!
What happened to Peter?
Peter who was the first guy to recognise Jesus as the CHRIST, son of God.
Peter, who, looking unto Jesus dared to step on the water & walked like Jesus did.
Peter, the one who saw Jesus being transfigured, on the mount along with Elijah& Moses.
Peter, the choosen one of Jesus.
Peter, who never missed a chance to show Jesus that he loved Him more than anyother desciple.
what a fall! what a pity!! what a failure!!!
If I put myself in Peter's shoes, from the day Jesus was captured, till the day He was first seen by desciples, I would've been running away ...from myself. I just don't know how t face my self& fellow desciples. I would be feeling miserable. lost my morale. broken. I would have definitely given a serious thought abt ending my life too. I just can't believe I've failed my saviour! the one who loved me the most! the one who lifted me from being an ordinary fisherman & made His special man. I failed Him! I let HIM down! I'm not worth being forgiven. I'm not worth being His man.

... But deep inside my heart I must be thinking, hope He understands! hope He understands that this is NOt what I really wanted to do. Hope He understands that I left Him coz I couldnt win my fears, my weaknesses. Hope He forgives me. Hope He calls me near Him, hug me& tell me "It's Ok. I still love you"! that would be amazing!

But what was Jesus thinking about Peter?

About Peter? after all that Peter did, would Jesus still think about Peter? how about John? who was at the cross till the last breath of Jesus. he was Bold. It's right to think about John. but not that Peter.
But Indeed, Jesus WAS thinking aout Peter!
At the empty tomb, when Mary magdalene, mary mother of James& salomie were wondering who rolled the stone away, this is what the angel tells them:
"Do not be alarmed. you seek Jesus of nazareth, who was crucified. he is risen! He's not here. ........ but go, tell His desciples- and Peter- that He's going before you into galalee." mark 16:6

John records the same incident, after Mary magdalene tells Peter that she could not found Jesus, Peter & John ran to the tomb. John out ran Peter.

And he, stooping down & looking in, saw the linen cloths lying there. yet he did not go in. then Simon Peter came , following him, and went into the tomb................for as yet they did not know the scripture, that He must rise again from the dead. John 20: 5-9


Peter who was supposed to be the first to know Jesus as Christ, did not know He is supposed to rise again. He did not KNOW Jesus truly. He must be really amazed & confused. lost all His hope about Jesus being christ ,Peter, goes back to his old job. fishing! whole night they try to catch fish, in vain. but in the morning Peter finds Jesus on the shore. helping him to fish, just the way He helped peter the very first time they met. when Peter recognised Jesus he jumped off the boat & swam to the shore. ( the bible registers that the other desciples came out in a boat dragging the net with fish.) How desparate he was! as he was swimming to the shore nearing Jesus...Peter would have thought of somany things to say to Jesus. like..."Lord I'm sorry"! or "Lord I really missed you" or like " Lord! I'm so sorry. I messed it up!" Tears must be rolling down his eyes. He's so happy to see Jesus again. at the same time 'he's also so guilty to face Him. The bible doesn't register what Peter said to Jesus. but after they had break fast Jesus asked Peter a really surprising question. standing in front of him by the sea, Jesus, loking into Peter's eyes, asked him.

"Simon, son of Jonah, do you love me more than these?" Peter, who's trying to hide behind other desciples, feeling guilty to even face Jesus, would have thought Jesus is making fun of him . with a bleak voice, without any confidence in Himself he answers. "yes Lord. you know that I love you"

He said to him again a second time, "simon, son of Jonah, do you love me?

what a question.

do you love me?

do you love me?

Peter would've really wanted to tell Jesus how much he loves Him. how terrible he felt seeing Him being tortured & crucified, How lonely he felt without Him, how hopeless his life became, without Jesus. And How happy he is, to see Him again. His voice choked must be.

once again, with a feeble voice he answers. "yes Lord. you know that I love you."

Jesus said to him the third time. "Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?"

by this time Peter would have broken. His Lord, whom he truly loved, is doubting him. Doubting his love. Peter, completely overwhelmed by guilt& hopelessness, gave up expalining. he said
" Lord, You know all things. you know I that love You!
then Jesus said, "Feed my sheep"!
it's like... "Peter... I know you messed it up. but I know your heart. I know you love Me despite your weakness. Now see what I'm going to do. I'm going to give you a second chance. Iknow you are broken. But I'm going to build you again. No more you are simon. you are Peter. & on you I'll build my church"

what a surprise! what a responsibility to someone who failed Him when it maattered the most! friends! You & I failed our God somany times when it mattered the most. like Peter did. We boasted that we'll pray. but we fell asleep. We boasted we'll be strong in Him. but fell meekly for the trap of temptation. We boasted we'll love Him more than anything. but conviniently forgot Him for the pleasures of the world. We failed Him. We let Him down. But how does God look at it?
Does He disown us? Does He desert us? Does He turn His face away from us?
No!
"My grace is sufficient for you. For My strength is made perfect in (your) weakness."
2 corinthians 12:9
He knows us. He loves us. He knows us inside out. The way the father ran to the returning prodigal son, He runs to us. forgives us. & Restores us. what a God we have friends! Who can love us with such a love?

amazing!

surprising!!

unconditional!!!

ever lasting!!!! is His love.

what a God! what a God! Jesus. the God of second chances. the God who knows our conscience! not our appearances. not our deeds but our heart! The only one who can love you Just the way You are. Just the way you are.
Peter, always wanted to impress Jesus. with his talk, with his actions, with his promises. he was desparate for Jesus. But God made him a big zero. God showed him, that he can not be perfect on his own.God showed him how weak he is. How hallow his promises are. He showed Peter that the best way to Impress Him, is not through actions. But by surrendering to Him completely. To lean on Him. Then He builds us. Restores us.

Peter, after this life trnforming encounter, never left Jesus. He confessed his love for Jesus infront of thousands. He challenged multitudes saying "you killed the Prince of life. But God raised from the dead. of which we are witnesses". Thousands & thousands believed in Jesus and got saved whenever& wherever he preached. He followed Jesus even unto death. & God, built His church on him. That is standing strong even Now.
Hallelujah! Glory be to God!

you, I& the mob

I was sitting with lachanna & chakri in CEIFL campus having a tea. Having tea along with my friends sitting either under the banyan tree in OU or in CEIFL is a thing I really cherish. CEIFL, especially reminds me of central university. I dont know whethr it is the students or it's the age old trees, or both. it also reminds me my days in NIFT. it's real fun sitting thre watching the way students, who are from different countries& cultural backgrounds, experiment with their clothes& sit together leisurely chatting.
lachanna & I have a common interest. badminton! chakri was my classmate in NIFT for few months& has been my close friend since 1998. together we did many fashion photo shoots. I design. He shoots. together we three have a common interest. MOVIES! they want to direct. I'm a costume designer.
whenever we come together we talk about the "much awaited film" which chakri & lachanna supposed to make. & I also keep pulling chakri's leg abt his habbit of spending most of his life in the Virtual world. the conversation went on like this.
me: anna...howz your shuttle practice going?
lachanna: fine, we are playing in a new place now. not in OU.
(OU shuttle court, though it's a out door court, is very close to our hearts. I played there for 4 years & lachanna must've been playing there from past 6 years. )
me : why anna? what's wrong with OU?
lachanna: you know this telangana problem right? you just don't know. anybody can throw a stone at your car. why take risk?
(images of students(?) of OU pelting stones & attacking cars & buildings flashed infront of my eyes. )
me: arre...how can they attack your car anna? you...
chakri: it's mob boss. you just can't explain them. don't you remember what mob did to a girl last year when she came along with her friend on new year evening in mumbai? they stripped her& molested her publcly.
one girl comes out to have a feel of the new year to the most famous gate way of India& a mob finds her & the hidden beast in them comes out. they surround her touching her very where& stripping her & more more join them to enjoy brutally while her friend,being alone, not being able to stop that public rape cries out for help.& The help comes from no where.
welcome to the gate way of "INDIA"!
it also reminded me one more famously infamous mob act. GODHRA
one fanatic rips open a preganat woman's womb & crashes the foetus against the road in one of the goriest act in post godhra riots. what a barbarous act! shame on humanity!!
who are these people? where do they come from??how can they act so violently???
We ar e not living in some dark or pre hestoric age& They are not some descendants of blood thirsty kublai khan or tamerlane..
They are among us. They are our friends. They are our neighbours . They are YOU! They are ME!
I remember reading an article about the guy who ripped the womb brutally. his neighbours say he was a nice guy. they never saw him getting into anything like even a street fight.
but then how come he became such a beast? such a brute??
MOB! when you think you are not an individual, can not be identified, can not be recognised, can not be caught. when you think there's no law, when you think there's no light , the true nature of your comes out. that's how we become beasts. the basic instinct comes out of us. you throw stones on glass buildings. you attack the cars of the senior citizens& busses. kids & women run out of it trembling. you call it fight against the injustice& inequality. what you are actually doing is quenching your jealousy. quenching the thirst of the beast with in you.I remember reading a quote from a book.
"YOU ARE NOT A SINNER BECAUSE YOU SIN, YOU SIN BECAUSE YOU ARE A SINNER! sinner by birth. nobody need to teach you how to sin. nobody teaches you how to lie when you are a kid. you are just born with it!
we were still sitting there talking. suddenly we heard some slogans. the mob is coming. they have power. power to destroy!
lachanna said "let's move! it's not safe!"
chakri said let's go to my room.'we can talk there!
we moved quick. menneni laxmana rao, telangana muddu bidda, who got businesses in Assam, maharashtra& karnataka, & in districts like east godavari & vizag got into his car & left immediately.
chakradhara rao bairampally, one more telangana son of the soil, got onto his bike & we both ran away from that spot. I felt hungry.
me: let's have lunch!
chakrri: let's go to a mess!
me: which one? andhra mess? or telangana mess??
chakri: wherever there's food. as long as it's good!
JAI HIND!