God's ways are mysterious! I remember that one dialogue from from the movie "Forest Gump" . In child hood Forest has croocked legs . He could not walk properly. He looked like a nerd to other kids with his oily, combed hair, spectacles& innocent looks. In his school, he was always the easy target for bullies. But before seeing of his son to the school bus, Mrs Gump always used to tell his son, "never let anyone tell you you are not normal!", "never let them tell you that you are stupid!" .
One reason I liked that movie so much was, there are people like that in my life too, that always told me I'm good for nothing. That I shouldn't be aiming big. But just like Mrs Gump kept on encouraging her son, God kept on telling me "u can". He kept on telling me "you are not ordinary. You are special!". At that time I didn't get acquainted with Him much. So I never really bothered to listen to what He was trying to tell me in the church or through Bible . I never paid attention. So He had to use some force.& Made me listen what He wants to say. This is how it happened.
When I failed my intermediate& stayed at home( I was one of the class toppers till my 10th standard, JFYI), all I used to do was to play cricket with neighbourhood kids in our front yard throughout the day. Like all the teenagers, I had many distractions. I used to go to church, never listened the sermon. Sitting there I used to doodle in my note book lost in my own world. Many preachers used to come to my place, who used to prophecy great future for me. I used to enjoy the prophetic word but when they used to try to make me pray...I somehow used to escape.
After few days, there is this old man who started coming to our tenants house. His name was Nehemiah. We used to call him Nehemiah tatayya( grand dad). He's a retired teacher& now very old. He couldn't see, he couldn't read. He used to come from quite some distance walking. Some of his relatives used to drop him in our tenant's place around 10 รณ clock & pick him by 1. What does he used to do in these three hours? Listen to Bible. He would find one of the kids& made him read Psalms. From Psalms 1 to psalms 50 or Psalms 50 to psalms 119. . It can just go on. Initially all I was loosing was just one kid from my team. We still used to manage to play. But very soon all kids were scared of him& they used to run away just by the sight of him. So there's nobody to do the reading. & Because my mom had great respect for him& because she doesn't have any for my feelings, she pushed me to do the reading. So...here I was, sitting in front of him reluctantly. Trying to show all my displeasure through the way I sit, through the way I flip the pages, through the tone in which I read( I used to show it in my expressions also, but has he couldn't see, it was of no use) ...I used to give all the kind of hints, just make him understand I'm not happy. But he? He's lost in listening to the psalms. His face, filled with some inexpressible joy! as if he's listening to a great music or great poetry sitting on the banks of a beautiful lake filled with lotuses on a tranquil evening!(?). It's like as if he's saying to himself, "this is life!". It used to be such a painful never ending session for me.. especially when it's Psalms 119. I was like.AAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHH.......in myself. Finally, when somebody used to come to take him back, I used to say "thank god!"". (No, I'm not saying that's how I got close to God!) .
It went on for days, weeks & months. Though it was lot of pain initially, I got used to it later. & some of the verses I could even memorise. & gradually I was not that rude to that old man, but he never cared anyway.
Time was rolling& got even deeper into the pit of failures. Everyone is unhappy with me now. Everyone in my family want a miracle to happen & me to be a success in my studies overnight! They were under pressure in the social circle because I am a failure& they started pressurising me. Nobody wanted to know my problem. nobody wanted to know what I was going through. They could use harsh words, make me feel lonely to make me realize my rsponsibility. But that only made my situation worse. All my friends disowned me & moved on. Relatives, loved ones, everyone...started looking at me as if I've committed some kind of crime. & I got broken. My confidence was shattered. I looked lost. Behind the closed doors of my room, I used to cry, sob, weep& curse myself. My failures looked endless& My life....looked hopeless. But in such a terrible situation, in my lonliness, at the verge of breaking up, suddenly some words used to pop into my mind. something like "For You have delivered my soul from death,
My eyes from tears,
And my feet from falling.".
or something like They looked to Him and were radiant And their faces were not ashamed.
& All of a sudden I used to find a new hope in those verses. I used to tell myself "don't give up, don't give up. "& take my text book & start struggling with my maths again. Slowly& gradually I started understanding His language. Little by little, I started hiding myself in His bossom. & my God, gathered me under His wings& as sis. Ivangeline Duke puts it, took me on a flight.
I understood how God speaks. A right verse from Bible in the exact time when I need it. But it was Nehemiah tatayya who trained me to memorise them. & Even today, when suddenly an apt verse pops up in my mind when I really need Him to speak, I remember Nehemiah tatayya, the old man who couldn't see, but who showed me the "WAY"& thank him. He is no more now, but he is always in my memories.
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